desperately trying to ferret out my lost self....

Well , today was ,what can be called a "bad hair day" for me ,both in the literal sense as well as in the idiomatic sense...
literal sense?? its kind of funny....but it has to be one of my most embarrassing moments...
One of my friends dragged me to the basketball court..to watch the ongoing match (sports tournament is in progress). While rushing my way out ,after sitting for half an hour....my unruly hair got entangled in the barb-wired fence!! I tried unsuccessfully to free myself...eventually , some guys helped me out....I was too embarrassed to even look up!
Before this incident, I was already too shattered ,after being presented with the lowest marks I have ever obtained in my life.......how can I become so slipshod with my career??...I am yet to figure out. Where am I lost? The ambitious girl I used to be in my school days....may be the sand dunes of Rajasthan(I have been staying here for the past couple of years) have engulfed me completely. Most importantly, the harsh realisation that nobody but I, myself is responsible for my plight stings my soul like anything....
Anyways the day is almost over...and midnight is here!! but no reverie here...I am bitten by reality...The indifference of someone does bother me a lot....I dont know what to say..whom to vent my feelings to...after all ,how long can I hold back the excuse that I am also just another human being...I too feel the need of my feelings being reciprocated, not being left to fend for myself, the need to be taken care of and being understood. I know people do have priorities, even I do have...but do human relationships really need be made scapegoats in this process...
I seriously do believe otherwise...why can't we be selfless once in a while and put ourselves in the other person's shoes ....And what about the good Lord up above?? Is He listening??

Might be wondering about the contradictory theme...daydreaming at night...well quite possible...In fact human psychology is something that continues to elude me since time immemorial(read the time i learnt to perceive things).Mind is indeed a wandering horse, really difficult to tame.The very fact that i am writing this blog at 3am holds testimony to this notion...despite my senses rebelling umpteen number of times..that i should go off to sleep now..if i m to stay awake in class !.......Why do people pay no heed to their conscience when that becomes the need of the hour.?Surely the fittest survive in this world..but does it mean having to compromise with ones values...Puzo claims in 'Godfather' ..."behind every great fortune there is a crime"......here i m after walkin over a boulevard of broken dreams...still willing to start afresh..i wonder how has god given me such strength ...perhaps to deal with the misfortunes .....Misfortunes?? well i really doubt the veracity of this word...somebody had reminded me not very long ago..that cowards take recourse to blaming their fortune..is it really so? sometimes i thought theres nobody who would be willing to support me through the ordeal that this life is...but why do i tend to forget that theres nothing or nobody better than the goodness that resides in our heart that is willing to deliver us throughout our solitude...just need to delve deeper... A thousand questions keep popping into my mind..at this odd hour of the day!! forgive these as the ramblings of a girl...nay...a budding woman ...who is going through an upheaval of her self...