"The bliss of solitude"

I earnestly wish that I realize the bliss that solitude is. Why should I be dependent on anybody else? hard to accept..but thats what I have been all this while. Nothing hurts more than the feeling of being a burden to somebody else,specially someone who I thought I was really close to, emotionally.I had been gravely mistaken ,only to wake up with a bitter disillusionment.I am guilty of passing my guilt onto somebody else, thats the easiest way to escape from one's failure ,you see.I dont know if I would be forgiven or not, but all I can say is I am responsible for the doom that has cast its cruel shadow on my life. And nobody , but I ,have to take myself out of this.Relations are fragile and something which is largely out of our control...I have learnt it the hard way. But I had valued the bond of friendship above anything else.Its true that I had erred, I had this unending craving to be the one ,who mattered the most to someone. But then, we could have helped each other in so many ways ,instead of ruing over petty things.In this process, I have plumbed new depths...I have distanced myself from people who probably did really care , stooped low begging for 'sympathy'(yes ,thats what I would call it - perhaps an euphemism for brushing someone off)..How is it that ,I never understood it?..Ego in its moderated form does help to protect one's self respect, I believe.Where did it all vanish?..And worst of all how could I even try to make somebody else feel guilty for it?...Most of us fail to take a stand on something. Humans are perhaps susceptible to the most mercurial twists at critical junctures.After so much of self annihilation, I think its high time that I respect His decision.If He has brought me ,may be there is a purpose I should serve.I have been blessed with all the means to survive on my own. I would have to move on...perhaps that is what life is all about...Despite all the trials He has subjected me to, I would survive and wait for your final verdict...